Obscure Emotions
Enjoy this collection of little known and intriguing emotions.
Putting words to feelings often intangible!
Yeah, we’ve been in Edinburgh for about six months now. The move has been going well. It is such an awesome city! Magical. On the whole, we’re settling in very happily.
The only real frustration is friends, you know. I am meeting new people. There are a bunch of good guys at soccer. Squash club night. Work colleagues, of course.
But, I’m feeling adronitis. I am frustrated by how long it takes to really get to know someone. Right now, these guys are just people I know, not friends. Not friends, yet.
I left the barber yesterday and had to go back an hour later! It was just dreadful :( As soon as I got up from the chair, I felt age-otori from my head down to my toes.
As you know, I don’t have much hair left on my head, but I thought I could try this new flip twist roof basket style, which I am sure you have heard of! The barber, he did his best, but oooooff, nope!
I thought I would get used to it, so I went out into the big wide world! Let me tell ya, the disappointment and embarrassment were too much. I had to go back …
I’m struggling. I’m in a rut.
I’ve started smoking again. Whenever my life gets remotely stressful - I just can’t help myself. I’m in a cycle and I can’t stop. I am feeling altschmerz.
Again.
I’ve been here before. I am so tired of dealing with the same old issues I have had forever.
Why can’t I stop?
I’m still recovering. It feels like I am in bed all day. I just wanna get back out with you on the pitch! I am out of books and I’ve watched all the good shows.
I don’t know what I have. The doctors don’t know what I have … maybe long covid? Maybe something else? They haven’t been able to figure it out yet. I am feeling so much alysm right now. I am bored. I am restless. I am frustrated. Major poopsticks.
Story coming soon …
Yeah, my brother was visiting for ten days. It was awesome :) We went into the Highlands for a couple of hikes. We ate so much good food. We explored the fringe festival. We saw whales on the West coast. We hung out. Bingo bango bongo! Couldn’t have been better.
He went home yesterday evening.
Boyo, I’m feeling awumbuk and then some. A real sense of inertia - slowness. I’m distracted and a little out of it now that my ‘normal’ life has kicked back in. Ach well, that’s the nature of holidays.
My date was awesome! Yeah, we had pizza in town and then meandered up Arthur’s Seat. It was a perfect evening, as you know. The oranges and the pinks in the sky were incredible.
I gotta tell ya :) We were just sitting and chatting about halfway up the hill. Then boom - I felt this intense feeling of basorexia! An urge just to lean over and kiss her … big war in me as I didn’t have the courage to follow my impulse ...
Thankfully she did ;)
What a day. What a day. What a day!
I planted 2000 trees today for the first time - big big big win!! Woweee, though, I feel like I left everything out there on the block - there is not a lick of energy left in the tank. I was pretty much sprinting between trees for the last hour.
Shower, dinner and then into bed. Let me tell ya, getting into bed - what bliss! What joy! The bedgasm was real. I felt such euphoria and elation climbing into the soft soft envelopment of my duvet. Weeeooooooo :)
The journey was less than ideal. I couldn’t get comfortable.
It was one of those train rides that wasn’t actually too long, but seemed to take fooooorreveerr and a day! I was feeling croochie-poochles, big time :( I had the window seat (which was great!), but I was squeeeeezed in there. I was fidgeting left, right, up and down. I must have been a nightmare for my seat companions.
Boyo, thank goodness we’ve arrived.
Yeah, you have got to come join me for the rest of the festival :)
There’s still another three days. I’ve been having a blast just being me. I’m feeling desbundar! Free and afire with joy and delight. Like a kid, not caring about what society thinks - just learning, having fun and excited for more!
How fast can you get here?
Sweetest sunshine, it can’t get much better than this! Feet up, cold drink in my hand, sunrays bathing my face, music bathing my ears and warmth in my heart. Dolce far niente, the feeling has seeped deliciously into my bones.
What a treat to have the time and space to do nothing.
There is a tall ship in the clouds. Aahhh, it has transformed into a fluffy smiley face. The mind wanders. The bliss of doing nothing.
Yippededoodadeeeee! I’m going on a date! I can’t believe she said yes :)
I feel like all the fizz from the fizz factory or wherever fizz is made is bouncing around in me! You know, you know :) I feel lighter than the soft touch of wind on a spring daisy, you know! All this energy, coursing through my veins like Connor McDavid racing around the rink!
I am ebullient. I feel like I could float into the clouds and dance a jig with a jar of jam in either hand - weeeooooo! What fortune. What joy. What enthusiasm.
My day has been grand. More importantly, my day started off grand; I woke up feeling euneirophrenia. So content after an incredible dream.
I was in a beautiful lush green field with this awesome horse, called Badger. He had a deep black coat and was thick around the shoulders. He said he is descended from the old war horses. Anyways, we went for an awesome gallop, crossed over a river. Badger had brought a picnic with these delicious bagels, and really perfect grapes. My dream was so nice.
I woke up feeling so content and it has continued throughout the day.
I’m falling. I’m falling all the way. Ooohhh, she sings to my soul!
The chimes of her laughter are sweeter than fresh maple syrup. She filled me with more warmth than the Sicilian sun.
I am feeling unstoppable, indestructible - full to the brim with joyous euphoria. I could run up a mountain just to shout to the sky the amazingness of wonder. It hasn’t been long, but I know, I know she is the one. I am feeling forelsket - no doubt about it! I am full in the heart - more full than a jam filled donut.
You’re right, I hadn’t seen my buddy for a long time. He had been in New Zealand. With all the lockdowns and stuff, he wasn’t able to leave the country or he wouldn’t be able to get back in.
Anyways, he was on his way back home to Canada and stopped by here on his route. I felt such a rich sense of gezelligheid. It was just so so so nice to see him and so comfortable. So easy. I mean I have known him since we were four - so gooooood.
My friend, thank you so much for checking in.
It was wonderful to see you and your family last weekend. I have such immense pride being able to call myself godparent to your wonderful daughter.
After dinner while we were sitting together and she was telling me about school, it took everything in me to not pick her up and squeeze her so tightly! It was a wave of Gigil that usually only surfaces for puppies and babies.
Ooooh, should I? I don’t think I should.
You’re bang on, I haven’t been back to Canada for a couple years now. The other day I was hosting a brunch (with real Maple Syrup) and I was telling a pal about Canada. Specifically, about our coast. The mountains, the islands, the ocean, the towering trees ... It is indescribable.
I felt such a poignant sense of hiraeth. You know, the sense of connection to Canada deep in my bones. The pride of coming from such an incredible place in the world. In my head, it shines with an almost otherworldly glow - I’m excited to get back soon!
Last night’s concert was awesome :) The whole setting was incredible, with the stars clear above us and fresh summer air. But it was the lead singer who really stole the night.
Wow, she carried us away. She was in such a state of flow and hwyl! Exuberant, tickled, enthused, it was a blast and a half. There were such high spirits all around.
Yea, yea, my partner is coming down for the weekend. I am excited and a half :) She should be here any minute.
I haven’t seen her for days. I am struck by iktsuarpok. I think I have gone outside to check if she has arrived about ten times! Hold on, hold on.
I think I heard something, I’m going to go check if that was her. I’ll catch up with you later ...
It was so exciting. It was so much fun. There we were, tasked - tasked - with destroying this room. We were given sledgehammers and crowbars. It was awesome! I was feeling ilinx. We smashed the desk. We blasted the counter and the shelves. Hammered the walls. Boom. Would do that again.
Have you heard about the singing waterfalls?
I haven’t been to them yet, but I am dying to go! They are nestled in the mountains and are pretty hard to access but I was told they cascade into thousands of little pools that are perfect for a nice soak. The way the waters fall through the canyon makes a beautiful eerie music.
I am definitely in the thrall of kaukokaipuu. Ever since I heard of these waterfalls, I cannot shake the longing to see them with my own eyes. You wanna come with me?
These lockdowns are tough and looooong.
Yesterday, I just had to get outside or I would go insane. Anyways, I jumped on my bike and went to Trafalgar Square (downtown London). I had been there before, pre-Covid, and it was crazy busy with all the tourists and peddlers.
This time, I was hit by a feeling of kenopsia. It was so eerie. There was not a soul in sight. All the life I saw were a handful of pigeons looking mournfully at the empty rubbish bins. I felt a sense of loss and sorrow at this place that was once so full of life, and is currently abandoned.
Woweeee :) wow, wow, wow!
I am full to the brim - no, overflowing - with joy! Today, my wife and I went on the most incredible adventure. I am feeling kilig in bounds. There were baby moose and a whole family of otters in the river. We successfully navigated a super bumpy section of rapids and came to this hidden lake - went for the most refreshing swim.
Aaaah, and lunch, a picnic that would have rivaled anything you would find in les Parc des Buttes-Chaumont in Paris. The bread pulled apart perfectly …
To tap it off, a beauty hike - albeit tough - to the viewpoint above the treeline for a sunset to match any I have seen to date. Ooooh yeah!
I had an odd experience on the way home today. I was at Warren Street Station, waiting for the underground.
Anyways, I had a really strong urge to jump on the train tracks. It was like the void was calling me or something … the french say I was feeling l’appel du vide. I have gotten this feeling once or twice before. It is so weird - my life is grand, but I have this inexplicable urge to jump.
It frightens me.
I stepped back as far as I could, pretty much hugging the wall. All is well, now, but not the funnest mental doings of my brain.
Why do I care so much about my grades? It is not like anyone is going to look at them with a magnifying glass.
Why do I care that Sarah saw me at dance class? Why do I care that I don’t have perfect English? Why do I care that my parents want me to apply for an MBA closer to home?
I wish I was in a state of liberosis. I wish I was like you. I wish I cared less about all these things.
I have this bittersweet feeling in me right now. I just put my book down. Finished. All done.
It was so gooooood. It just came together! I thought I had the story all sorted, but BAM! completely turned on its head. Incredible! But, but, but, why did it have to end that way though? Why did it have to end? I’m fired up, yet I am destroyed. It is so hard to say goodbye.
I am not sure if you have felt lierrow before, but boyo, I am feeling that bittersweet sense of having finished an awesome book!
If I'm to be honest it's been a low month. I left to go for a walk this afternoon and when I came home it was as if I was seeing with new eyes the state I had been living in. Dishes everywhere, piles of mess on every surface, and the blinds drawn closed.
I'm feeling tormented by this, a feeling of litost. It hurts me to know I've let it get this far.
You are absolutely right, I have had a garbage of a day. Truth of it is, I had a garbage of a sleep - crazy nightmare. I’m still feeling the residues of malneirophrenia from this morning.
I was in this barren landscape. I was alone. I knew I was being hunted. In my head, there was this voice. It was rusted with age, yet still sharp and shrill. Taunting me ‘Why are you running?’ ‘There is no where you can hide.’ ‘There is no escape …’ I remember frantically trying to get away. My feet were bloody. I had nowhere to go ...
Anyways, I woke up. A deep sense of unease was hollowing out my chest.
I have been feeling monachopsis for months now.
I didn’t realise until last week when I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I think it has been in me, underlying, since I moved and started the new job in Toronto. A feeling like I don’t quite belong. Out of place - you know? Not myself. I’m not laughing as much - not as free.
Thank goodness my brother visited otherwise I might never have figured it out!
Story to come…
Story to come…
The project is finally finished! I submitted it well before my deadline and I have to admit I have a great feeling about this one. My superiors all gave raving reviews along the way, and I expect to have a meeting with the big bosses in a few weeks.
Until then I plan on riding this wave of Nikhedonia and making the most of it all! Feel like coming for a visit?
Negative joy! Negative joy! I really don’t like being in debt.
I don’t owe a huge amount, but it weighs on me all the time … I wish I could just pay it off all in one go, instead of these little dribs and drabs every month. I am feeling oime for sure, such an intense discomfort that knots my shoulders and tenses my neck.
Nothing to it but to do it … keep going and we will get debt free sooooooon.
She was sitting across from me on the train. I’d been pretty oblivious to her for most of the journey as I was working on our group project.
I’d seen her, obviously, but I hadn’t noticed her.
I can remember, it was just after Durham. Our eyes met across the table and I was struck by a sense of opia. Her eyes were a rich dark green. I felt like I could see sorrow and wisdom and humour and strength and sadness all dancing in the flecks of her eyes. It was intense. I felt like I had invaded her personal world and in turn revealed my deepest self.
I looked away. I looked back. She smiled.
Yes, yes, it is incredible what Shawn has built!
The van is tip top - it has a fold up bed, a stove counter thingy that slides out the door, curtains, and a lot more storage than I expected. I am feeling otsukaresama right now - just so much gratitude for him. He must have put in hours of work to get this ready for our roadtrip! There are even wee book shelves for each of us with a little lip to keep the books on.
Boyo, I’m lucky to have such nice friends!
I can’t believe I have to work with such a slime ball - it fills me with disgust.
My boss has assured me I am only working with this fellow for a little bit, but just the way he behaves is repugnant. He is always looking to undercut the people we are working with and he treats everyone like they are inferior to him - crumbs under his boot. Rude, arrogant and dominating - blaaah.
I’m having a delightful day.
Hold on, hold on. Was that my phone? I think I just heard my phone ring. It can’t be. I am holding my phone - hahahah.
Goofery. I am waiting in the station and I keep on getting ringxiety. Every time someone’s phone goes off, I think it is mine, even when the ringer is some nifty musical theme I have never heard. Blimey, phones, eh! We are hooked on them, big time!
Story to come…
I know we've talked often of trying to quiet our Schadenfreude, but I must tell you about something that happened earlier this week.
My daughter's teacher, the one who makes her feel quite small, has been transferred to another school far out of the city. Unfortunate commute for her, but am I ever happy my daughter will be able to relax more in class!
Story yet to come …
I’m having the most blissful time. This is joy. This is life!
My goodness, this pizza is outstanding! What did they put in the dough? Oooooh, I’m fuuuuulllllll, but I ain’t stopping. Nu uh, this is like getting punched in the mouth with awesomeness and rainbows, a waterfall of deliciousness cascading down my throat and having a carnival in my belly! I’m feeling shemomedjamo and loving it!
Keep the pizzas coming, that’s what I say!!
Yeah, yeah, the Fringe Festival was great. It was the liveliest I had seen Edinburgh in a long time with the pandemic and everything. Also, the biggest crowd I had been in for months, which was super neat.
Anyways, I was waiting for some friends on the Royal Mile and casually observing the scene; there was a small crowd listening to a hippie pianist, another bunch of festival goers around a magician, and a busker further down. Somehow, my mind snapped into focus and I was suddenly hit by a feeling of sonder. I realised that all of these people have their own uniquely colourful and complicated life. It was eye opening - it was awesome!
I couldn't wait to speak to you, so much so I'm sitting in a parking lot, in Calgary, Alberta, needing to tell you about the concert I just attended.
You know my love for Canadian artist Feist, well she has left me in a state of tarab. I was so enchanted by the music. For her last song she had folks come up on stage with her and dance! I practically skipped out of the auditorium once it was over. It was incredible!
Aaah, the wait is toooo much!
I sent her a message … asking her out. Why can’t she just reply right away? I know she has read it. Oh, the anticipation is killing me. I am feeling textpectation and then some! I am trying to distract myself by practising my lines for the Mdoosan Play, but I know it is pointless. I keep looking at my phone. Agony. Anticipation.
Ding ding … is that a reply? Aaah, no, just Mum asking if I can pick up some milk.
My friend, thank you so much for checking in.
I’m incredibly tickled to hear from you! I haven’t heard from you in eons!! How are you? What have you been up to?
Woweeee, this is the best of the best :) It's like I am in a waterfall of rainbows and maple syrup. I’m so joyously content and have a cascade of delight roaring through me!
Tickle me into the sunshine! This is the best! So, so, so nice to hear your voice!
You are absolutely right, I have had an awesome time in my twenties. Travelling. Working here and there. Treeplanting, of course. Volunteering in Greece with you - one of my highlights (among many!).
But now - now, I’m almost 30 and I keep getting this crushing panic whenever I think about my career and what I want to do with my life. Torschlusspanik is what this feeling is called - I learned it in Germany.
I feel like my plane is boarding, and they have announced the gate is about to close and I’m still rushing through the airport. Tick. Tick. Tick. Panic time!
I have an odd melancholy whirling around in me. A wistfulness. An ache.
There is a word in Russian - Toska. A sorrow, an anguish, passed from generation down to generation that can’t be shaken. I don’t know if I feel that. Maybe a version of that. I am longing for something .... and yet, and yet I don’t know what I am longing for. There is an ache in my soul. Nostalgia for a time I don’t want to be in. Pining to be somewhere else, but uncertain where that place is. Hmmmmm.
Our weekend was awesome! We were up in the Cairngorms, one of Scotland’s National parks.
On Friday, we hiked into the bothy. This one was an old shepherd’s hut that has been converted into a mountain refuge. Let me tell ya, it was so nice to get out of the city and back into a bit of a wilder environment. I was feeling ullassa the whole time. Incredibly tickled to be back in nature, surrounded by the rugged peaks and sparkling lochs. Awe. Pleasant. Calm. Enthused.
Natural beauty, it hits my soul in all the right places!
Yeah, it was stunning. A picture perfect sunset off the West Coast of Canada. Orange, yellow, gold hues all danced a jig across the open sky and reflected off the sheet of water left by the waves. It was incredible!
Anyway, I got out my camera to capture this insane view and I can remember feeling a pang of sorrow - a sense of vemodalen. As much as this sunset was unique to me, there were so many people also taking the same photo. Probably, thousands of the same shot had been taken over the years.
Ahhh well, definitely a moment to cherish ...
My friend, thank you so much for checking in.
My heart was wrenched. A friend of mine was telling me her story of arriving in Canada. Originally from Syria, her family first fled to Lebanon. Her mother, father and three brothers all making do in one room. Surviving. Existing.
While in Lebanon, they applied for asylum and were accepted … with one clause. Her father was excluded. I can remember her voice catching as she was telling me this. Her father urged the rest of the family to go without him. She described the farewell. Her pain, her viraag, stills strikes a deep chord in me; the uncertainty and fear of whether she would ever see her father again.
My heart goes out to her and to everyone who has been separated from their loved ones.
It is so exciting! We are off to a grand old party in just over an hour - a funky costume ceilidh in a castle with a feast of mighty fine foods!
There is such a feeling of voorpret in the air as we get ready. Everyone is eager and anticipating the joy to come. Fun before the fun … pre-fun! Laughter bouncing off the walls. Smiles causing our cheeks to ache with delight. A handful of giggledrops riotously rolling down our cheeks!
An evening to cherish!
Yup, yup, yup. I did it. Done. Complete. All wrapped up. I’m feeling yuan bei - oooooh, indeedio!!
A week long conference on all things Business Psychology finished yesterday and I am still revelling in the joyful success. Yippee!! My friend, my friend, my friend - I am a fortunate man. It was an awesome conference. It flowed smoother than buttered bread and we got some amazing feedback and all around awesome!
Yabadabadoooo. Sweet sunshine and a tickle!!
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